Are You An Indentured Servant?
The bad news is: yes, we all are. What’s the good news? There is a way to balance servitude and… freedom.
The one absolute power we are all indentured servants to is time. Rich or poor, young or old, great-looking or not, we all have limited time and a definite expiration date.
But let’s start at the beginning.
When you were a little kid, you would wake up in the morning excited about the day ahead, all your needs were taken care of and your main focus was on how to entertain yourself: play, discover, create, invent, dream, have fun or make friends. You had no worry in the world, or at least, you were not aware of any.
Now, the moment you wake up, everything is structured, hurried, you’ve got a never-ending list of obligations and to-do lists. That much for freedom. Early childhood has some advantages over adulthood.
But to be serious, what is the actual difference between being a small child and an adult? No, I’m not referring to size, maturity or knowledge. Do you remember wishing to grow up, quickly?
Children are much more natural, naïve and consequently, more honest than grown-ups, so there is plenty they reveal about human nature. (Funny thing, even before we have a fully-developed understanding of anything, we already have some sound instincts.) From the get-go, we are driven by the need to be loved, the need for power and freedom and last but not least, at some point, we discover that testing our abilities can be fun, too.
So, what’s the real difference between a very small kid and an adult? In a word: power. Of course, children don’t have – and shouldn’t have – much of it. But there is no adulthood without power. Very young children have no responsibilities. Adults have many.
The entry into adulthood is an introduction to responsibility and… servitude. As much as a child perceives power as freedom; as adults we are aware of the price of power. The price is responsibility and compliance. And there is not much freedom that comes from our power.
Adult responsibilities are self-explanatory: we do what we have to do. Adult aspirations? We do more than we absolutely have to in hope of becoming more, achieving more, having more, gaining more love, more power and more freedom.
So far so good, right? But pile on top of it our indentured servitude and that’s when life gets complicated.
We are beholden to:
• Time: Our time is limited which makes it the most valuable possession we have. It has to be managed and invested wisely.
• The body: We have to consider the body’s health and needs; its maintenance, functionality and performance, its nutritional needs, regenerative needs, exercise needs, grooming needs, and more.
• The mind: Education, reading and staying up to date are a must, in general. In the context of rapidly developing technology, continuous learning is an absolute must.
• Emotions: How we feel about ourselves and others; how others feel about us matters. Managing our own emotions and maintaining our relationships is our responsibility.
• The ego – which is a hybrid of both, feelings and mind – holds us hostage and often requires us to face and master additional challenges.
• Money or lack thereof: It goes without saying, money is not only survival but quality of life. Consequently, whether you’re wealthy or poor, earning and managing money, takes time and effort.
• A person, people and pets: If we want to hang on to the person we love most, those we care about – or interact with, regularly – as well as our pets we have to invest in them.
• Yes, we are beholden to Country! It calls on us to participate in the political process; defend it if and when needed; obey its laws and pay taxes. We’d better!
• Natural environment? We are all beholden to it because it supports life and as such it has the highest power over us (think about air, water and natural disasters!). It should be precious to us all. Unfortunately, not everybody’s got the message, yet. There are still many more worshiping imaginary authority figures or Mammon than caring about the need to reduce their carbon footprint.
• Servitude to society and its institutions: We are bound by the rules of society. I’m not here to incite civil disobedience, but let’s be honest, not every institution is venerable, today. Their original concepts and missions might be. The way they conduct business now may not. Appreciate the difference!
• Servitude to industries: We were raised to respect many of them, healthcare, banking, insurance, etc. Slow down. Times have changed. Industries prosper on consumers’ money. Especially lately, it seems that many an industry is eager to get that money, at any price (to the consumer). Don’t be a sucker!
• Servitude to causes: We don’t have enough time or money to support a multitude of causes. Pick one and give it your best, but only after you’ve done your research and trust that your efforts serve the cause, not the charity itself.
• Servitude to many who have – or believe to have – more power than we do: assess the power differential and exercise good judgment. Not every demand for servitude should be entertained.
This is not – and doesn’t aspire to be – a complete list.
And here we are. Finally, adults. We are no longer under the control of power-limiting parents. We are self-sufficient. We have a measure of power and now, many feel overwhelmed. Surprise, we aren’t free! The adult life we imagined as love, power and independence is – in reality – the awareness of our limitations. (Parents whom we perceived as the obstacle to freedom turn out to be our protectors, not oppressors, after all.)
We are the children whose prayers for adulthood were answered. And now instead of feeling happy, powerful and free, we are figuring out that we overestimated the privileges adulthood. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Obligations far outweigh our rights.
There is another way to look at our “servitude”. If you really think about it, freedom is overrated and some cases, concessions make life better. Click To Tweet
Every then and again, I hear the “call of the wild” and think how great it would be to live off-the-grid somewhere in the wilderness. What a life! What freedom! Right? Yes and no.
Yes: there would be quiet, less toxic exposure, no light pollution. There’d be the beauty of Nature. Independence from utility companies and their bills. No need for money. No need to punch the clock. Eating what I can grow. Hunting for meat. Making my own clothes. Solitude. (I could run around naked without makeup, with unwashed hair, unshaved body and swear freely!)
No: Nature can be dangerous, injuries are possible. There’d be no medical help. Natural disasters like fire, for instance, happen. There’d be no 911 a phone call away. What if I were to get a toothache? My skills in growing food? Zero. Am I likely – or willing – to kill anybody for meat? Nope. Without a grocery store or a restaurant nearby, I’d starve. I could live without 9 to 5, but without money? Making my own clothing? I’m not that handy. Solitude is fantastic. For a while.
And that’s where concessions come into play: the role of government, society, economy, business, professionals and people in our lives.
Perhaps, a part of our “indentured servitude” is merely the membership due we pay for the right to live in a civilized society? Sure, we feel that the due is gauged sometimes, but do we REALLY have a choice? Servitude serves a purpose, is a fact of life and, as much as we may resent it, we partake in its benefits.
With that out of the way, how to relieve the feelings of oppression and reclaim the excitement, joy and optimism of childhood, short of leaving civilization behind?
The mastery of adulthood has several elements: creating a safe haven, exercising sound judgment, the ability to compromise, good managerial skills and a sense of humor.
Yes, we are individual screws in a huge machine: useful and at the same time, easily replaceable and dispensable. We are hamsters on wheels that run to rarely ever achieve their dream destinations. BUT, luckily there is a but.
Amidst this well-established – and biased against us – chaos, there is a bit of time and space that can be used to create our own micro-world. The micro-world of your own creation is where you set the rules, you have an absolute authority, power, freedom and everything else your heart desires. Your own micro-world is your private fuel station, ruled by your own standards of right and wrong; good and bad; happy and unhappy; wise and dumb; true or false. In your micro-world, with the people you love and who love you, YOU are indispensable. You are not a hamster forced to run; but a master of your destiny who lives with purpose. Having such a safe haven is an asset within and without.
What is it? It comes in two flavors.
The most popular by far is a family of your own. Having a family mitigates many forms of indentured servitude. Most notably, it changes our approach to:
• Time: If you have children – in a way – you beat your mortality. Yes, you’ll still die, but your genes will go on.
• The care of body, mind, health, etc. can be – if not delegated than at the very least – shared.
• Money or lack thereof: Becoming the head of household changes one’s attitude toward money. Money is no longer about just having but about protecting your brood, saving for – and investing in – the future.
• Person, people or pets: The servitude transforms into the pride of “ownership”.
• Ego: The individual ego gets tempered within a family.
• Emotions: A good marriage and good family life are emotionally satisfying.
• Country: The allegiance to Country becomes a source of pride. With the understanding of the “mechanics” of family, we’re generally more supportive and appreciative of the establishment and its rules. (Generally, but not always: some parents try to affect change that will benefit children and their future.)
• Society and its institutions: As parents setting example for our children, we tend to become more compliant and accepting. After all, few people want to raise “revolutionaries”.
• Industries: As families we are the top consumers. With that said, we are increasingly more health-conscious, savvy and cautious.
• Causes: Family changes the power differential between us and the world. In this case too – and against “do as I say, not as I do” – we choose our causes to instill compassion and morality in our kids.
• Servitude to many who have – or believe to have – more power than we do: once we have a family, we become more selective, pick and choose our battles, usually for the good of our family.
The second option of a micro-world is the comfort zone for one. Going it alone changes mainly our perception of:
• Time: if you don’t have children of your own, your genes won’t outlive you BUT a legacy that reflects you will and may represent you more accurately than biological children would.
• The care of body, mind, health, etc. If you know and appreciate your value, you take good care of yourself to ensure that you have enough time and the ability to create your legacy. (Don’t forget to purchase long-term care insurance: being alone has many rewards for the able-bodied. Once your body starts deteriorating, there’ll be no one to hand you a glass of water, free of charge. Anticipate it, in advance.)
• Money or lack thereof: With no financial obligations to others, this one is quite personal. To some acquiring money is a goal in itself; to others money has the power to sustain, afford some comfort and protect personal freedom.
• Person, people or pets: If there are any in your life, they’re likely precious to you, not mere burden. Life is a two-way street, caring about those close to us is a must!
• Ego: As an individual you may get consumed by your ego, unless you tame it to work for you, not against you.
• Emotions: It is possible to have mutually-nourishing relationships with people we are not related to or legally obliged to care about. One good relationship, one true friend, one association with people of “your kind” can satisfy many emotional needs.
• Country: We all love and owe our Country. As one-person households however, we tend to be more critical of the course of our Country. Having less at stake than families, single individuals are more likely to spearhead reforms.
• Servitude to society and its institutions: To a large degree each of us is assigned a role within the society in which we are team players. Compliance and cooperation make life easier regardless of our family status. When it comes to institutions, the single individual is more vulnerable than a family and therefore individuals are more cautious and more likely to question authority
• Industries: That’s another case where a single individual is easier to take advantage of than a family. Consider it before falling prey of incompetent “authority” or flashy advertising. If you stand alone, you have to fend for yourself!
• Causes: You are only indebted to the causes you support. Support the Earth, everything else is optional.
• Servitude to many who have – or believe to have – more power than we do. That’s another instance where standing alone has its benefits. Unless, the “power” has an impact on your well-being, you can afford to ignore it.
Bottom line? Creating a family is a transformative experience. It transforms the “I” into “we”, it reduces the size of the individual’s ego, it tempers our risk-taking (and dreaming), makes us more practical and forces us to plan long-term. As family people, we focus on security, stability, growth and expansion. Long story short, the saying has it “family is the building block of society” and for a good reason. A family is – in many ways – like a mini-country. Managing a family and running a country have plenty in common. Consequently, families have a more conservative approach to life, more trust in – and respect for – institutions that facilitate life of family members and a vested interest in the future. Families are in need of multitude of services specific to family and children and are passionate consumers with ever-growing and changing needs.
Within a family, the adult individual shoulders responsibility for others, makes concessions, sacrifices, compromises and make investments in exchange for love, home and family life, future expectations and the survival of his or her DNA.
Going it alone follows a different route. You are a one-income household. You carry the full responsibility for yourself. You can afford to be self-centered and independent. With limited – or no – obligations to others, you and your ego have no restrictions. A mini-world for one grants you the opportunity to pursue self-fulfillment unimpeded.
Your routine, schedule, goals, spending or associations don’t affect anyone else. With no obligations, responsibilities or accountability to others, you get to focus on you, the things you enjoy, your dreams, goals and building your legacy.
In some ways, a mini-world for one is a happy combination of childhood, freedom and power. (Provided – of course – you don’t mind being alone, foregoing the intimacy / comforts of family or the experience of parenthood.)
As much as a family is joy shared and multiplied as well as burdens shared, being alone means total self-reliance in financial, practical and emotional matters.
On the other hand, with a family comes a significant loss of individual identity, personal freedom and the shouldering of long-term responsibilities. Creating a family means – for all intents and purposes – becoming your parents. Choosing to be – or becoming – alone means being a liberated child with the power, abilities, wisdom and freedom of an adult.
Family has its benefits and disadvantages. So does being alone. To each their own. There is no right or wrong choice.
*
There are some rules in the game of life that are beyond our control. Many of them serve the greater good. Don’t agonize over them. Accept them and move on. (Be savvy about others. Think for yourself!)
There are deals that may – or may not be – good for you and circumstances that are less than ideal. Examine them, think twice before making a decision. Compromise, if the compromise serves you, too.
Keep on learning! A lifetime isn’t enough to learn everything. Aim for knowing enough for now. It will help you make better choices, stay in control of your life’s direction and create a balance between meeting obligations and having time to live.
Have a sense of humor about yourself, other people and life. Every then and again, play pretend! As children we had toys to comfort us, stimulate creativity and entertain us. There are many “toys” that give adults an illusory sense of freedom and power.
Buy a new car, convertible is best for this purpose, and hit the road. Drive at the speed limit on a highway and here is what you get: a few minutes of unchallenged power and a sense of freedom.
Are these feelings true? Of course, not! You don’t own the car: if you’re making payments, the car owns you. Do you have power? It ain’t you, it’s the engine. Are you free? Push the gas a bit more and you’ll get a ticket for speeding.
On the other hand, the feelings you get driving a new convertible are no different than the joy of having the imaginary friend you had as a child. If you believe it exists, it does…
We aren’t born masters but slaves. Anyone can create a micro-world as a counterbalance to servitude. Anyone can learn how to manage his or her “slavery”. Knowing what to accept, what to reject, challenge or negotiate, when to reach a compromise and what to fight is power. (Sense of humor may not be a vaccine against exploitation, but it works well as anesthetic.) Creating a balance between servitude and personal freedom is in your hands.
And now, jump in your convertible, let the wind blow through your hair and enjoy the ride! With the right strategy, you’re allowed to leave the hamster’s wheel. Occasionally. For a while.
As you get better at managing servitude, you’ll have more and more time away from the hamster’s wheel. And when your time comes, you’ll leave it behind for good. Or at least, trade it for another model….
