Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough
No matter how much you care, you can’t force a baby to stay a baby and you can’t raise a cat to be a dog.
“Sometimes love isn’t enough.” These are the words the Person I loved most said to me many years ago. At the time I was hurt and offended by them: how come love the grandest thing of all could not be enough?! It took many years and one very small baby cat for me to understand their meaning.
The cat was just a baby unable to eat by herself or even take care of her bathroom needs. I — on the other hand — am a lifelong dog person. I adore and understand dogs. It ought to be mentioned that I hate cats. Yes, I have a reason.
When I was 9 years old we went to visit a mommy dog and her puppies, one of which was to become my first dog. I was a kid very anxious to have a dog of my own and reacted to the puppies with great enthusiasm. As soon as I reached out to touch one of the puppies, out of nowhere I was viciously attacked. I was in pain and bleeding profusely, but didn’t know what attacked me. As I learned later one of the residents of the household we were visiting was a female cat. The cat attacked me to protect the puppies…. I hate cats with all my heart till today’s day. I’ve never done anything to harm the cat, leave alone the puppies.
Fast forward to today, OK: two weeks ago to be exact. A friend of mine “surprised” me with a baby cat. The actual surprise was that the mama cat had too many babies and couldn’t take care of all of them so she’s decided to abandon some. Either way, I was given a baby cat. I would have never considered adopting a cat because as said, I don’t like cats. This one however took a liking to me for no good reason and wouldn’t let go. (I’m guessing, her youth explains her bad judgment.) So here we were: a cat-hater and a baby cat. I’m an adult and the baby was just a baby. I acted like an adult should.
I named her Karma. I fed her every 3 hours, 24/7. I exercised her and played with her. I did my best to cat-proof the house. I attended to her every need. I learned how to facilitate bathroom issues: who knew that mama cats work so hard?! I’ve done everything by the book. Karma defied quite a few theories: it is recommended that a baby cat has a small bed; yeah, right. Karma preferred queen size. She learned her feeding schedule, quickly. She demanded attention. She mastered bathroom issues and was absolutely adorable about them. (We brought some non-toxic beach sand instead of cat litter and situated it next to the toilet.) Just imagine you’re using the restroom and right next to you a really tiny cat is using her restroom, at the same time!
Long story short, in two weeks Karma grew to become a beautiful, very charming and extraordinarily intelligent kitten with a strong independent streak. I learned during the two weeks I was her guardian that sometimes love isn’t enough. (OK, it’s a shame to admit it, but I grew quite attached to her, my cat allergy notwithstanding.) I was very proud of her progress. As she grew however she was no longer entirely dependent on me; her cat’s nature begun to show: exploring, taking over, invading privacy and crowding us out. I love dogs, but I couldn’t figure out the kitten. I studied kittens Online. I asked for advice from cat owners.
And then, one evening Karma got lost. Well-trained she always responded to her name. This time she didn’t. I called. I searched. She was nowhere to be found. The kitten disappeared for good. Hours have passed. I was going through hell. I blamed myself for exposing the kitten to some hazard which has surely killed her. By 4 am (a sleepless night, of course!) Karma surfaced unharmed.
This is when I realized that I’ll feel guilty every time she goes off and it will continue to happen more and more often as she grows. My house isn’t entirely cat-proof. There are plenty of electric cables. Plenty of paperwork everywhere….. Several desktop computers, wired. I have no way of securing everything for a teething kitten or an adult cat that enjoys tabletops and desktops. I’ll live in constant fear….
Turns out that no matter how much you care, you can’t force a baby to stay a baby and you can’t raise a cat to be a dog. God knows, I tried. Love wasn’t enough. Click To Tweet
In the end I surrendered and Karma was adopted by a more qualified and experienced cat owner.
In the aftermath of giving up Karma several thoughts crossed my mind.
I remembered when my Mom said “love isn’t enough”. How well I understand it, now!
• I remember how She cried when I went off to kindergarten. I didn’t know why.
• I remember how She hated my favorite teacher. I didn’t know why.
• How She resented the men I dated… I didn’t know why back then, when it counted.
My Mom didn’t want me to grow up. She was also a dog person. Every time I went off to explore the world, She must have felt betrayed. She hoped that Her baby will remain a baby forever; She hoped to raise a dog and ended up with a cat…. Independently minded, strong-willed, with a drive to explore and conquer the world. My Mom was hoping that I’ll stay a baby — or a puppy — forever. No wonder I was a disappointment. No wonder I am a VERY late bloomer! (I clearly suffered from stunted growth syndrome.)
I thought about my marriage. My spouse is a wonderful human being and a great man, but truth be told we are distinctly different species. Opposites may well attract and no one can deny the original attraction. But after so and so many years it’s hard to deny that I don’t embrace MANY of our differences. Truth be told, they are hard to bear. Is love, respect and shared history enough to sustain a marriage?… Shouldn’t satisfying life take priority over a marriage built on compromises? Perhaps love really isn’t enough.
The baby cat’s name was Karma. The first question my husband asked after I named her was: “is she a good karma or bad karma?” Looking back, probably both.
