The Last Mother’s Day

Every Mother’s Day I pay a tribute to my Mom, memories and love

It was spring in Southern California. The famous sunny weather, flowers everywhere, life busy as usual. My Mom complained of a backache. I offered to make a doctor’s appointment. She knew how busy I was. She knew I had a scheduled interview with a major movie star coming up. She told me that the back pain was minor, nothing to worry about; it will likely pass without medical care. I kept up with my schedule. The interview was a hit.

It was the beginning of May. The backache didn’t go away. We went to see a doctor. It turned out to be a symptom of advanced lung cancer. We’ve gotten down to the last test. The results were to determine whether or not we had a fighting chance. My Mom took the test, the results were due in a week.

As luck would have it, the results which were due on Monday, were announced to me early, on Friday preceding Mother’s Day. They weren’t good. The cancer was in its final stage, there was no hope.

Time stopped. I didn’t know what hit me. I’ve never seen it coming. I couldn’t believe it. I blamed myself for not running to the doctor a week earlier. (Would it have made any difference?) I blamed my schedule and my job. I blamed everything and everybody. I was lost.

I had to get my bearings back. There was still so much to do in preparation for Mother’s Day…. Did it matter? I had to share the results my Mom! Should I? Two days before Mother’s Day?!

That’s when my significant other stepped in. While I was hysterical, he told me not to call my Mom with the negative test results immediately. He told me to shut up and keep them to myself till the coming Monday when they were originally expected. He told me that it may well be my Mom’s and mine last Mother’s Day, together. He ordered me to make it the best Mother’s Day ever. I was so utterly lost, so heartbroken, not quite able to comprehend the magnitude of the threat that just became real…. Millions of thoughts were going through my head.

I am the only child. My parents divorced when I was two years old. My father was never a significant part of my life. My Mom on the other hand, She was everything!
She was good, loving, caring, compassionate, creative, tolerant… She was beautiful. She was knowledgeable and wise. She was gentle and strong. She was ethical and inspiring. She knew how to bring out the best in me. She was my hero, my best friend, my idol, my mentor, my role model. Anything good or valuable about me, anything I may ever achieve, everything is thanks to Her! Losing Her is something that has never crossed my mind. And I mean, NEVER.

I don’t know how I pulled myself together. Perhaps I just couldn’t think for myself and that’s why I followed my spouse’s command to a T. I pulled all the stops.

It was a beautiful Mother’s Day: great food, beautiful decorations, nice music. There were gifts. The Mother’s Day presents I’ve given Her over the years were always focused on our relationship. This time I undertook a deliberate effort to honor Her as an individual, Her other relationships and Her memories. Still, I didn’t forget to recite the poem I learned for Mother’s Day in kindergarten. It made Her cry happy tears ever since. I remember it still:

“When I open my eyes in the morning,
I see my Mom’s face above me like the Sun.
There is so much light and warmth in Her,
So much love She gives me every day…”

It was just my Mom and I. We were talking, joking, reminiscing; just for a day time stood still and we were happy.

She was so beautiful. Other than the “minor” backache nothing was bothering Her. To a casual observer, it may have looked like a regular Mother’s Day. We’ve had a great time. Then I drove Her back home.

Late Monday morning I shared the lab results with Her. I admitted that I had them before Mother’s Day and apologized for keeping them a secret. She told me, I was right. I responded by saying that I wasn’t that smart; it was my spouse’s idea. She asked me to thank him.

In some way, the last Mother’s Day I spent with my Mom was also the last time we spent together without the dark clouds of impending doom openly hovering above us. It was one of the greatest gifts I ever received. I have my husband to thank for it. If the decision to share the final test results were up to me, my Mom and I would have sat together and cried on Mother’s Day….

How do you say “thank you” to Someone who gave you the world? How do you say “goodbye” to Someone you can’t live without? You don’t. Because you can’t believe that there could be an end to a relationship like ours. My Mom died a couple of weeks later. It was my husband — not I — who found Her last loving note to me. I guess, it was Her way of thanking him for our last Mother’s Day together.

Another Mother’s Day is coming soon. I’ll have the same flowers. I’ll light up a candle next to Her picture. I’ll hold on to my husband and thank him, again. And I’ll remember that even though people are mortal, love never dies.