To Be Or Not To Be
Not every depression is a mental illness, sometimes it’s just a normal reaction to life’s events.
Kate Spade committed suicide. Anthony Bourdain committed suicide. The rate of suicide went up by 25% nationwide and in half of all states by 30%. (In one or two states the suicide rate exceeds 50%!) Suicide is one of the top ten causes of death in the United States, today. According to CNN’s Website “In 2016 alone, about 45,000 lives were lost to suicide.” One person commits suicide every 12 minutes, now! The majority did NOT suffer from a diagnosed mental condition.
The way the world is, the numbers are not surprising. The thought of ending it all occurred to many. We didn’t act on it, but the thought may have crossed our mind.
What to do when such a thought crosses YOUR mind? The official guidelines urge you to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255. By all means, do call.
As a personal growth guru and a life coach however I suggest verifying your interpretation of your situation by talking with a person you trust. People often consider suicide when something becomes unbearable. What’s unbearable to you? Circumstances, a problem, specific person, personal failing? Whatever it is, discuss it with someone you trust. Why? Because there are facts and there are interpretations. The same facts can be seen differently. The same problems can be approached differently by different people.
When things get too overwhelming or hopeless share your thoughts with another person and listen to their reaction and interpretation. People kill themselves every day based on incorrect perceptions. Don’t be one of them!
99.9% of all troubles have solutions! When you discuss your predicament with someone they’ll likely give you their take on the situation and their thoughts on a possible course of action.
If you think about it, whole life is about coping and overcoming. Each of us had to cope. You, too. Each of us has overcome. You, too. Thoughts of ending it all come when we are tired and / or overwhelmed. Talk it over, sort it out, “escape” for a day. Do something you enjoy. Better yet: do something all-consuming. Then get a good night’s sleep. (If needed, take one Melatonin to help you sleep.) Return to your troubles after a serious breakfast. There is an excellent chance that having followed my recommendations you’d have recovered your balance and are ready to face your challenges.
If things still seem pointless call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255 or go to your closest emergency room to report that you’re having suicidal thoughts.
In the end, suicide is the easy way out. Easy on the person who has chosen to die. Not easy for those left behind. Your loved ones will wonder what they’ve done wrong, how they could have helped you, how they could have prevented your death for the rest of their lives. They’ll live with a nagging sense of guilt and regret. Do your loved ones deserve it?….. A person who abandons those who love him or her isn’t a hero; it’s a coward. Suicide might bring you comfort, not them.
“That’s the thing about suicide. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it.” Anderson Cooper
There is always another perspective and another way. There are people who faced much worse odds yet died of old age. It’s about finding a different way of looking at and addressing a problem. It can be done. You CAN do it! When the Hamlet’s question “To be or not to be” arises, when in doubt, choose TO BE!
Dust yourself off. No one knows what you were thinking, yesterday. Your secret is safe. You ARE a contender. Show them what you’re made of. DON’T walk away from life or love! You aren’t free to quit until you fulfill your mission and validate yourself. Just think how unfulfilling for you your funeral will be. How would you feel when they say “he (she) could have been, could have had…” Be, first. Do, second. Leave as late as possible. Suicide isn’t a badge of honor; it a futile cry for help.
Every day I’m passing by a car with an interesting bumper sticker. “I was an Honor Student. I don’t know what happened.” Click To Tweet
The Honor Student was a merit largely earned by your parents. The second part of the bumper sticker — the one that follows “I was an Honor Student” is all yours. It should read something amazing, here are few inspirations: “Now, I am a rocket scientist.” “I’m a successful author.” “I raised an Honor Student.” The possibilities are endless, but every story has to have a beginning, the actual story and an interesting ending. Complete your story! It’s yours and you can’t walk away without making a point. Without leaving a footprint on other people and life itself. What’s your footprint? Who and why will remember you 100 years from now?
We don’t remember people who succumbed to love or money problems. Why? Because many others contended with the same issues and lived to brag about their victories.
“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Peter Lynch
When I was growing up, there was a person close to me who always emphasized “I’m very sensitive and you’ve hurt my feelings”. The same person could also be very tough on me. What’s up with the one-way sensitivity? You are so sensitive that you can’t bear life? And yet, you’ve seen people struggle and suffer before. Why didn’t you give up on life back then?… Why now? Are you too sensitive or too selfish?….
“To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill.” Aristotle
Life isn’t a solitary experience. We are always interdependent. We are also bound by many spoken and unspoken rules of the game. Walking away from responsibilities isn’t a way out. Remember: “The best way out is always through.” Robert Frost
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A WORD OF CAUTION: We all know what happened to Tom Cruise when he spoke against psychotropic drugs and I certainly don’t need a Tom Cruise-style experience. But I wouldn’t sleep well at night if I didn’t speak up on the subject. For the record:
I’m not against psychiatry. I’m not against medications. If anything, I’m against generalizations, labels and over-eagerness to diagnose and prescribe. Click To Tweet
True, there is clinical depression and chronic depression, both of which require medical treatment including therapy and prescription drugs. BUT not every depression falls in these categories. Depression happens. You don’t have to have a mental disease to be depressed.
Yet, for some strange reason, every depression is classified as a mental disease in the U.S., today. Not every depression is clinical or chronic and not every depression is a disease. Quite often depression is a normal (temporary) human reaction to life.
(I and my husband suffered from severe depression following the deaths of our parents. We lost three of them within 4 years to cancer. We didn’t seek professional help for depression. Loss hurts. Sadness and even temporary feelings of hopelessness and helplessness in reaction to life’s events are NORMAL. Psychopaths may not have the capacity to feel, the rest of us respond emotionally to emotion-charged events.)
Worse, we all know that when we are depressed and were to seek help we’d end up with a label of having a mental illness. We’ll likely also get a prescription for a drug which might make us more suicidal…
The recent celebrity suicides involved the rich and famous who surely had the means to get and receive the best medical care, including prescription anti-depressants. Anti-depressants have a known side effect: many of them cause suicidal thoughts or actions.
Here is another piece of the puzzle: the majority of people who commit suicide have not been diagnosed with a mental disease.
Connecting with friends and discussing our issues with them is always helpful. Look up at the sky that’s helpful, too. Stand on the ground: the soil, grass or sand and count to 30. (This technique is a variation on “earthing”. It allows to synchronize our neurological balance with the Earth’s.) There are other options. Run a search on DMAE or HTTP-5. Both are nutritional supplements that help alleviate the symptoms of depression WITHOUT causing suicidal thoughts.
I’m not recommending prolonged use of either one. But we live in times when we don’t succumb to a headache or indigestion but reach for a fast-acting pill that stops a minor problem from interfering with our normal functioning. Non-clinical or non-chronic depression isn’t much different from a headache in the larger context of health. Take a natural, side effect-free mood-elevator that will help you cope. Feel better and choose TO BE!
